Of course I wouldn’t let this month end without saying a thing or two; after all, I did turn 23 eight days ago. I feel more grounded and more stable. Three months ago, I moved to Jeddah with zero savings. I had to borrow cash from my parents to settle my bills and furnish my flat. But I’m happy to report that I am debt free, I paid off all my debt two weeks before my birthday. There is a certain freedom that comes with being an adult and I’m glad my parents treat me like one.

I love sharing my experience, laughing at my failures, and learning from my mistakes. I make a great deal of effort to follow a system, organize my thoughts, and plan my days. Most days, my plans work because I MAKE THEM WORK. I am slightly OCD, I color code my stuff, I get depressed when my apartment is messy, and I constantly refer to a chart to remind myself of my weekly plans, due bills, pending assignments, personal goals, etc. What I’m trying to say is, I am far from perfect and I SUCK AT MULTITASKING.

Yes, I am a chemical engineer, a science journalist, and a cs major [all at the same time]. I got no secret, I just time myself. It has always been my dream to be a journalist, so I write. It was my dad’s dream for me to become an engineer, so I am one today. I want to understand technology, so I decided to go for another major. You can be whatever it is that you want to be as long as you want it enough.

I’m not trying to prove a point or be the exception by taking all this workload on, I am just trying to LIVE THE LIFE I NEED for myself. I will let you in on the “want versus need” talk in a while (scroll down).

Like how all your fingers ain’t equal, not all Pisces ladies are the same.
Here is something ridiculous about me, I actually believe in “astrology and zodiac signs” [bloody pathetic, I know]. But here is the thing, it ain’t always accurate. For instance, according to this site, “Pisces does not take well to a position of leadership or high business person, they are too sensitive and lacking in self-discipline and lacking self-confidence for a positions such as that.” — BULLSHIT! I am not going to say anything further, LOL.

What I am trying to say is, don’t let the product fool ya. Know the person for who he really is, not for who he is expected to be, or for who you want him to be. I can come up with more things totally wrong about this site but it ain’t worth it. Overall, the site did mention a couple of things that were true in my case: according to them Pisces are: compassionate, adaptable, accepting, and devoted. Some of the weaknesses that were partially correct include: oversensitive (I’m sensitive but NOT OVER), indecisive (depends on the situation), self-pitying (only when depressed), lazy (depends on my mental state; but no, I think I’m actually pretty pro-active, at least nowadays), and escapist (100% true).

To rap this up, cut people some slack.

We all choose to trust… almost
It is very easy to trust people you are expected to trust – your parents, siblings, best friends, and family. It is very easy to trust this group of people because they will love you even when you are a retard, an immature prick, and at your worst self. Things are very different when you love someone though. Love is so overrated, I swear. I think I almost always fail at relationships because I don’t trust my partner. I trust him 80%, sometimes even lesser, but never the whole 100%. And when you ain’t giving your all, your relationship will fail.

I don’t trust people outside of the group of people I am supposed to trust. I also believe this: “If you ain’t man enough to keep your secret, why do you expect other people to.”

So, I only talk or open up when I’m ready for that secret to slip. When I’m okay with that thing to be the talk of the day, or a dinner table conversation… because honestly, humans are incapable of keeping their mouth shut (which is fine because it is expected). If there is anything I want to say, it is this: “trust as much as you love”

Need versus Want
I’m not talking about the air I need to breathe, the food and water I need to fuel my body, the brain I need to think with, etc. I am not talking about the things within my reach. I am talking about the “needs and wants” that I DON’T HAVE. For example, at 23, I need a master’s degree but not a husband. I want a fiancé but I don’t need one.

Emotional stability is very important but at the right time and in the right way. I need things to be done the right way because I need to be able to live with myself if things go wrong. Generally, humans are selfish beings; we mostly love our partners because of how they make us feel about ourselves rather than for who they actually are. Maybe, I am wrong, I’m not sure. I am the last person to talk about relationships because I suck at maintaining one. I should talk about how to drive a guy away: I’m an expert at that!

So, back to needs and wants. Do what you [need] to do now and what you [want] to do later. My current mood: Fall Out Boy – Uma Thurman!


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