Before getting into the heart of the subject, let me apologize for my unplanned break. My husband and I recently moved to a new city and only now can I confidently say that we have settled in and are comfortable in our new environment; so, I’m officially back! back to blogging every other Sunday.
BACK TO THE BLOG POST… IT IS MY BIRTH MONTH!
I am officially 29 and kinda emotional that my twenties are coming to an end. And with that being said, I thought it’s only fitting that I’d share some highlights (lessons learned) from my 20s.
Age without context is meaningless
My husband always tells me that age is just a number; that being young in spirit is enough; that every time we achieve a certain milestone, we are considered beginners in that particular stage, and therefore, still young. While his words were comforting to a certain extent; they weren’t enough, until he told me this: age without context is meaningless. As we age, we evolve, and achieve new milestones. Do I prefer my life in my early 20s to my life today? No, I love my actual context. Hence, I came to terms with my age and learned to be content with whatever God brings my way.
Paralyzing fear of starting
A new activity regardless of its complexity can be scary. It is like jumping into the unknown, splashing paint on a blank canvas while hoping for an abstract look. It is paralyzing but when properly thought out, not insurmountable. It is like what Franklin D. Roosevelt once said:
The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
From the moment we are born, the fear of falling is instilled within us. And as we grow older, the more fears we accumulate. Fear is a part of being human and learning how to control it is the only way to overcome it. I learned not to take fear as an enemy but rather as an emotion that is shamelessly a part of me.
Boxing in my fear in order to find the logic behind it is how I constantly overcome it.
Case in point: this blog
I remember the moment I decided to start this blog, I had so many thoughts running through my head:
- What if no one reads my blog posts?
- There are so many blogs out there, how will mine standout?
- Do I have the time?
- What if I fail?
- Am I ready to commit to a publishing schedule?
As I addressed each point, I realized that they were all just excuses I was giving myself. The readers I get, will be readers that relate to me. So, what drives me is my why; is the fact that some day when I’m old and grey, I’d like to look back at my written work and share them with my lineal descendants. And most importantly, I actually LOVE writing.
Memories bring me back to you
I never thought I’d have to cope with the loss of you.
My faith helps me cope, it meds my heart and strengthens my belief that we will meet again. I cry whenever I feel like and stopped feeling sorry about it. I learned that the right way to outlive you is to remember you and pray for you often. You are a part of my life now, today, and tomorrow.
I won’t elaborate any further, but if I had to choose one major thing that I’ve learned in my 20s it would be this: how to face the mortality of my loved ones.
Letting go of perfection
As I grew older, the more of a perfectionist I became. I focus on the little details and can’t, for the love of me, let go of the simple imperfections; like a low quality photo, a poorly written text, a misplaced shelf, a decor item that doesn’t respect my defined color palette, I can go on and on with the list… In simple words, I have become a nut job!!!
It doesn’t end there, the older I get, the more mundane things I notice on a daily basis. And that indirectly, attributed to me having small episodes of anxiety (not sure if that is the right term).
So, I promised myself to tackle these so-called episodes head-on by identifying their root causes/triggers. And, I realized that:
- I focus on the end-result without enjoying the process.
- I am currently obsessed with worldly matters due to my actual spiritual state.
- I think of happiness as an end-result or a destination rather than a state of mind.
- I look at imperfections as shortcomings rather than progress in the right direction.
Simply put, I need to put an end to this madness!
Importance of Spirituality
“O Changer of the hearts, make my heart firm upon your religion.” – Prophet Mohamed (PBUH)
There is no particular way to practice a religion; but in my humble opinion, I believe that people are driven by either their love for God or their fear of God. Both are fine, but I choose love, always. I try to remember the love I have for my creator in everything I do and one day, I hope that everything I do will be driven by my love for my creator.
Hence, the quote I mentioned earlier, I pray that God increases the love I have for him in my heart and keeps it there at an adequate level regardless of the highs and lows of my faith.
6 thoughts on “Twenty nine years of age”
Beautifully written as always anak, masha Allah alek ❤️❤️❤️
Thanks ma! Glad you enjoyed it ❤️
Beautiful thoughts…im glad you are back at writting. Keep going dearie…❤️❤️
Thanks a lot my dear! Glad you enjoyed reading it ❤️❤️
I’ve never thought that one day I’ll agree with your husband but here I am… Keep going !!
Hahaha! Thanks for reading! Alexis was happy to read your comment!! Ramadan mubarak to you and your loved ones 🌙